Weddings Suck the Life Out of Us
by obsidians
Summary: Sookie needs a wedding date, Pam is happy to supply. I completely rewrote Beyond the Wedding and replaced it with Wedding Traditions. Please see new Chapter 2 for new version. Crying Eric is irriating. Obsidian
1. Chapter 1

Weddings Suck the Life Out of Us

Disclaimer: I borrowed them, I shall bring them back along with the bag of milk and cup of sugar too. Thank you for lending me Eric and Sookie

Hi, I just want to thank you everyone for their kind reviews and I do promise to write a sequel to What Happens in Vegas: Goes Home to Bon Temps. Anything else anyone would like to see one of these extended, drop me a line. I always can do silly shorts like this. Obsidian

******

Sookie just got home from Merlotte's to find Pam and Amelia on the couch watching Heathers.

"Hey Sookie, we got the invites today for Holly's and Hoyt's wedding.

"Noooooo" yelled Sookie imitating the home alone kid's expression. "How was yours addressed?"

"Miss Amelia Broadway and Mr. Tray Dawson"

"And mine?"

"Sookie Stackhouse + Guest, nice huh? Perhaps you can bring your brother?" she said with a grin.

"Fuck me gently with a chainsaw, talk about social suicide, I am ending up at the widows and orphans table for sure" declared Sookie.

"Actually, I have a 50 year old cousin that lives in his parents basement. Would you like me to call him to see if he can be your date?" said Amelia almost doubled over in laughter.

"I really don't get what you are talking about. Could someone please fill me in?" asked Pam looking from one to the other as if she was observing a pair of monkeys trying to figure out how to work a spoon.

"Well, Pam a wedding is not a place that any girl wants to go alone, it is the celebration of _someone _else's love and the last thing you want to be is alone on those occasions, it is kind of like being the fat girl alone at the ball. If you don't have a date, you end up at the widows and orphans table with the brides second cousin with no nose"

"So in other words to fit in all you need is a date?"

"Essentially, yes."

"Hum, who do we know that is tall, blond and handsome that you have on speed dial?'

That is where Amelia and Sookie just lost it.

"I don't understand what is so funny?" inquired Pam.

"Eric" gasped Sookie…..

"Doing the Funky Chicken" finished Amelia tears rolling down her eyes.

"So in other words, he needs to be human in order to go along with these bizarre wedding customs."

By this point both Amelia and Sookie had stopped laughing.

"No but it helps, you don't understand, even human men want to go, they only do so for the most part to either try and screw the bridesmaids or just get drunk. Getting married is about the brides and all the other girls that hope to be brides."

"Wow that is really sad" observed Pam.

"She is right" said a rather enlighten Amelia.

"So what you are saying is that Eric would not fit in because he is a vampire and this is strictly a human event?"

"No, it is not that, it is just that he wouldn't enjoy it, at least the other dates can get drunk, all he would be able to do is just watch in disgust as everyone around him getting drunk."

"Why don't you just ask him and see what he says?" asked Pam.

Amelia decided to take this one "Pam, they have never hung out socially outside of something that was arranged around vampire events and such."

For a second Pam looked dumbfounded "What? But in order to a relationship to survive there must be communication."

Sookie looked at Pam "Eric doesn't need to actually date someone to see his needs met and I don't tend to entertain."

"True" said Pam "all the girls at the bar want to fuck him, fuck him and fuck him some more" she didn't notice Sookie flinch.

"Pam!" Amelia said, "That was kind of harsh."

"Why, he doesn't date them. In fact, when he isn't working, he just likes to spend time alone at home. Every time he invites me over, it is about some movie or other that he thinks I would like to watch. Really, Sookie, in a way, he doesn't tend to entertain anymore then you do."

"Pam I appreciate the gesture, but I doubt that he would enjoy it and I will probably just ask Sam or something."

"Sookie, have you ever thought that perhaps he would like to be included into your life this way? I mean, it is not as if you go out of your way to even talk to him other then when you need favours from him?"

"You know Sook, not to side with Pam, but she might have point. You can't blame someone for keeping their distance if they were never invited in the first place." Both of them kind of gave her a look of reproach.

"Look, I will deal with Eric when he will deal with me" replied Sookie, getting sick of the stink eye coming from both of them.

"No you won't," replied Pam and hit automatic dial on her cell phone "Master, I am here with Sookie, she needs to ask you a question. No, nothing serious, she needs a date for a human wedding coming up a few weeks and she would like to invite you as her escort" replied Pam ignoring Sookie mining cutting off her head. "Here she is"

"Hello, lover. So what is this about a wedding you would like me to go to?"

"Hi, Eric, some of my friend are getting married. I think that you remember Holly the Wiccan? I work with her. They are getting married in few weeks and I am wondering if you might be free on the 26th. It is an evening wedding at 7pm."

"I don't know why not. What would my role be in this"?

"Nothing much, just hanging out, dancing and perhaps having a drink or two together."

"In that case I will be honoured to escort you, I shall pick you up at 6:30 and take you there.

Sookie woodenly handed the phone back to Pam.

"Well?' both girls asked at the same time.

"It seems I have a date. Should I change the Sookie Stackhouse + Vampire or just keep it as guest?"

"Good, I am getting so sick of his mood swings," observed Pam.

******

The 26th

Eric's corvette showed up exactly as planned as planned, he rang the door bell. Sookie walked out wearing a teal blue dress with a silver belt, that was just low cut enough and silver flats.

"Hope you aren't wearing anything else silver then that" said Eric appreciating the view.

"Nope, just my necklace, earrings and bracelet" she teased.

"Lets see if I can find anything silver on your body?" replied Eric skimming her curves. He was rewarded with a light tap on the nose with her finger.

He drove them to the church, parked and found them a seat beside Amelia and Dawson. As Holly started walking up the aisle, Sookie started sniffling as some girls tending to do during weddings.

"Sookie' whispered Eric, "here" he handed her a travel sized box of plastic wrapped tissues.

"How did you know?" she whispered back while dabbing her eyes.

"Google search under weddings, girls cry at wedding 75% of the time, sometimes because they are extremely happy for the couple, the other because they aren't married. I am not even going to speculate which one you are."

At the reception, they sat at a very nice table just on the outskirts of the dance floor with Amelia and Tray, Sam and Tanya and Jason and some Ho.

Eric indicated a table full of awkward looking adults "is that the widows and orphans table that Pam was telling me about" he inquired. She just nodded to him.

They had a nice time, Sookie got a little tipsy and asked him to dance. He ended up drifting them up to the ceiling and swirling her around so fast that all that those below could see was a flash of silver.

Then the DJ announced it was bouquet time.

"Sookie you got your catcher's mitt tonight?" joked Amelia

"What is happening?" asked Eric.

"Just time to catch the bouquet" she said rushing up to join the rest of the single gals.

Sookie caught it and had mucho, mucho high fives from the rest of the girls, who kept on glancing in her date's direction. Tray hissed at Eric "you're next" he only looked confused.

"Okay, you caught it, what does that mean?"

"Relax Eric, it doesn't anything. It is just a dumb tradition that if I catch the bouquet that means that I am next in line to get wed."

"Does that mean we have to get married?"

She hugged him "Of course not, don't be silly"

When he was driving her home it was a nice night and she could smell wild flowers through the open window.

"Eric, this will sound so strange, but do you mind making a left here?"

He did and she showed him where the shed that her grandmother used to store the flashlights was. She lead him to the man made pond and shined the flashlight on the bank where lots of barely newly formed frog were. Still black and barely even out of their tadpole stage. They watched their struggling tiny hops for a while. She explained that every year it was family tradition that they watch the birth of tadpoles until they turn into frog. "It is beautiful and eternal like you Eric"

"Sookie, I just wanted to say thank you for this?"

"What going where no human man with a penis cares to go if he isn't the groom?"

"No allowing me into a slice of your life and for showing me the frogs."

"Eric, I have always been here, you just had to ask."

"Fine then my place next Thursday, pop corn, I might even spring for pizza if you are lucky and we shall watch Gone with the Wind, that bloody movie you keep talking about."

"Sounds like a date"

"Pam will never let me live it down"


	2. Chapter 2

Wedding Traditions.

I totally revised chapter 2 or the stand alone story Beyond the Wedding, Crying Eric was starting to irk me. I hope that this version is an improvement. Obsidian

******

Sookie pulled up to the address that Eric gave her checked it again 'surely this can't be the right place' she thought regarding the modern gray stone mini mansion in front of her. Wow, he seemed to be doing alright financially.

But went to the front door and knocked, she waited about 30 seconds before Eric pulled open the door. He wore a white t-shirt and blue jeans.

"Hi Sookie, sorry I made you wait I was putting my laundry in the dryer when the door bell rang."

"Oh, you do your own laundry?"

He raised an eyebrow at her, "yes I am capable of working a washer and dryer, I can also drive a car, type and use a computer too."

She laughed "it is not that, I just thought that you would have people to do that for you."

"I do have a maid that comes twice a week, but I go through clothes like crazy between feedings, fighting and, well other activities. I pretty much need someone in here to do laundry full time. The good thing about not changing body wise is that I can just order my jeans and shirts about a dozen at a time."

"Speaking of your appearance, I am rather surprised; I don't think I have ever seen you in so little black in my life"

He actually wrinkled his nose in distaste "yeah, about that, that is a kind of Hollywood Vampire look that I affect for tourists in Fangtasia. The boots, the black jeans and t-shirts, chains and huge belt buckles; it is just a bad boy look that Pam and I invented. She is not the only one that gets sick of black when not working."

Sookie laughed, "So you guys LARP. That is funny!"

He looked confused "LARP?"

"Live action role playing, kind of like the people that get dressed up and play Vampire."

"Oh, them, we had some of them come into our bar one night, Thalia made one of them cry and they went away."

He took her coat and led her into a modern kitchen done in shades of gray with a chrome appliances and kitchen island. Without even asking he fixed her a gin and tonic and opened a true blood for himself.

"Here let's go into the living room and get more comfortable" he suggested.

The main focal point of the room was a huge fireplace that was big enough to roast a buffalo in. Over that was a 60" LCD flat screen TV. In front of the fire place Sookie notice a wolf skin rug." So that is why I haven't heard from Alcide for a while" she teased. His couch set was butter soft leather with an overstuffed ottoman.

He sat on couch and motioned for her to join him; she didn't even think anything of it when he put his arm around her.

"I want to thank you for asking me to be your date for that wedding, it is nice to be back in touch with you again" he said smiling down at her.

"Well, thank you for inviting me; I was wondering if you were ever going to ask me on a date."

"What my demanding that you be mine wasn't enough for you?"

She giggled "oh that time you flew to my place in a fit of jealousy when I had that date with Quinn. I still laugh when I think about it."

"Glad one of us found that funny," he said with a wry expression "stupid tiger, insulting me like that."

"Oh come on Eric, it was funny, it is not very often I get to see you so emotional disturbed about something."

"Well, you should be glad you haven't been around too often at the club then."

Sookie looked at him sharply, but refused to ask. "I have missed you, you were always so entertaining. Perhaps we never should have slept together; I didn't want to ruin our relationship.

He looked at her with what she swore was regret in his eyes. "Was I really so much different then than I am now?" she knew that he meant, when he lost his memory."

******

*This is where Sid (me, Obsidian) made the Changes*

******

She felt like reassuring him "nah, you were a pain in the butt then, you are a pain in the butt now."

He looked vaguely miffed then roared with laughter "so I looked up Gone with the Wind and it said it was a period drama. Isn't that a chick flick?"

"No is it is about Southern girl's hopeless love for a married man and her struggle to survive in the civil war."

He looked pained "it's a chick flick."

"Well how did you manage to avoid even hearing about it? What did you do, spend the 1930's hiding a under a rock?"

"I had just moved here and spent the 1930's with Pam, Bill and Lorena. AVOIDING going to see chick flicks. Didn't like them much back then; don't like them now."

"Oh, if you don't want to watch it, I brought A Weekend at Bernie's too."

"No, I invited you over to watch it, we will watch it. I am going to order pizza for you if that is alright. My friend has a pizza shop where they make vampire friendly pizza with a garlic substitute that tastes like the real thing, but doesn't bother me."

"Sounds great, nothing worse than a girl with garlic breathe" joked Sookie.

"You still have the bouquet that you caught at the wedding?"

"Yes, I made it into potpourri; it is bad luck to throw those away. First one that I ever caught."

"Sounds like human marriages are more complex then vampire ones."

"Not so much, there are certain parts that are expected and the other ones are traditions that are more like guidelines that you can choose to follow if you want. Like the wedding veil. It's commonly believed that it is bad luck for groom to see his bride in her dress before the ceremony, and therefore a veil was used to conceal her. In fact, in the old days of arranged marriages, the groom rarely saw his bride at all before the wedding day. If she was ugly, a veil might have prevented him from running away. Now they are just decoration for their hair. Same goes that it is bad luck for the bride to be seen in her wedding dress before the ceremony."

"What about the bouquet?"

"It's symbolic tradition hints that whomever catches the bouquet will be the next to get married and, even though there are no guarantees, tossing the bouquet is a fun way for one lucky guest to take home a one-of-a-kind keepsake. Harmless but fun. I could go on forever; there are about a million of them."

"What are the most common ones?"

"Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue. "Something old" symbolizes continuity with the bride's family and the past. "Something new" means optimism and hope for the bride's new life ahead. "Something borrowed" is usually an item from a happily married friend or family member, whose good fortune in marriage is supposed to carry over to the new bride. The borrowed item also reminds the bride that she can depend on her friends and family."

"Then there is the engagement ring, which took place of the dowry that used to be paid to the brides family if you wish to marry her"

"Then there is the honeymoon that has a doozy of a history, many of the first marriages were by capture, not choice. When early man felt it was time to take a bride, he would often carry off an unwilling woman to a secret place where her relatives wouldn't find them. While the moon went through all its phases, (about 30 days) they hid from the searchers and drank a brew made from honey. Hence, we get the word, honeymoon."

"Also the reason why the wedding party dresses alike stems from this. It was once common for the bride, her groom and all their friends to walk together to the church on the morning of the wedding. Afraid that someone, maybe a rejected suitor, would spot the happy couple and put a curse on them. The groom's friends wore clothes almost identical to his, and the women costumed themselves like the bride. These disguises tricked evil wishers into letting the real bride and groom live happily ever after. Of course, today we dress our attendants alike for the beauty and pageantry of the event."

Eric looked kind of overwhelmed "wow, they really are more complex then vampire marriages."

Sookie laughed "that is barely even scratching the surface for common ones, don't forget about other cultures and parts of the world. You should ask Indira if you are interested in how her people get married."

"No thanks, that is more about human marriages then I wish to know."

Sookie started laughing "I never thought that I would spend a first date discussing weddings. A human male would be running out the door right now if I brought this up."

"Well, rest assured, I am not human and you are just explaining things to me, I promise not to run."

"Let's put the movie on while we wait for the pizza."

The door bell rang and Eric paid for the pizza.

After the movie.

"That wasn't that bad."

"Not bad? You describe one of the greatest cinematic masterpieces ever as not bad. Vampire, you suck."

Eric leered "yes I do, but I lick even better. Now I see what you meant about where he carries her up the stairs."

Sookie shivered slightly remembering his licking technique "yeah, remind you of anything?"

"Jackson, only she didn't have a stake in her like you did. However, with all her scheming Scarlett would have made a good vampire; she might have even become a Queen eventually."

"I should go it getting pretty late" said Sookie, feeling awkward for the first time that night. Not sure if he wanted her to leave."

Eric laughed and picked her up "quite frankly Sookie, I don't give a damn" and carried her up the stairs to his bedroom.


End file.
